Homeschool Helicopter Parents

By David Cohen

TO: Mr. and Mrs. ______

FROM: ______ College

Dear Mom and Dad,

The $112,486.32 you will pay in tuition to our esteemed institution does not buy you the right to maintain personal parental involvement in the life of your child.

Over the next 4 (hopefully more) years, our well-paid professors may work tirelessly to undo the 74,000+ hours you have invested in raising, training, and home educating your child.

As your child’s alma mater, which means “nourishing mother” in Latin, we will shape their worldview by telling them how to think, what to think, and how to function as autonomous individuals who must throw off the chains of parental authority.

Any attempt to encourage your child to remain active in church and ministry, or adhering to old fashioned standards of morality and character will be thwarted.

If we have to, we will shame you into disengaging and disconnecting from your child while they are under our control.

Sincerely,

______ College

As a parent, how would you feel if you received a letter like that a week after you dropped off your son or daughter to begin their first semester of college?

Unfortunately, more colleges and universities are communicating that type of message to parents, especially to homeschool parents.

Homeschool helicopter parents

A “homeschool helicopter parent” is a term increasingly being used by college faculty to describe parents of a homeschooled student who remains actively engaged in the life of their child.

According to college administrators and professors, you’re a homeschool helicopter parent if:

You’re Facebook friends with your child.
You talk to your child on the phone twice a month.
You ask your child how they are doing spiritually and academically.
You offer guidance to help your child work through challenging social situations.
You hold your student accountable for their grades and academic performance.

Of course, any behavior taken to an extreme is unhealthy and counterproductive. But, being Facebook friends with your child and encouraging them to remain connected with church and ministry is hardly micromanaging their life.

With more secular colleges embracing homeschool students, is it possible these colleges who have a disdain for biblical living see this as an opportunity to reshape the worldview of homeschool students who typically possess conservative Christian values and sensibilities?

Academia’s views on “helicopter parents”

Fred Rothbaum, Tufts Professor of Child Development, says, “Helicopter parents put their college−aged children at a developmental disadvantage.”

In a recent survey, Keene State College reported that college freshmen with so-called helicopter parents were “more dependent, more neurotic, and less open than their peers.” Less open to what? I’ll let you draw your own conclusions on what they mean by “less open”.

Family-integrated higher education

In a recent New York Times Op-ed piece, the ultra-left leaning Thomas L. Friedman said, “…if we want better teachers we also need better parents…”

It would be interesting to know what benchmarks a secular humanist like Mr. Friedman would use to define a "better parent".

In my view, the roles of parenting and teaching are mutually synonymous and do not come to an abrupt halt at high school graduation.

I support homeschoolers having a family-integrated option for higher education. Homeschool students should have every right to earn their degree without completely disconnecting from family, church, ministry pursuits, entrepreneurial endeavors, and travel opportunities.

Although secular colleges say otherwise, parents play a key role in the success of their children who are going through the process of earning their degree. It presents parents with the opportunity to teach invaluable life lessons by drawing from the struggles and challenges their college student faces while earning their degree.

If a secular college is in your homeschooler's higher education plan, don't be stunned by the push back you may receive by administrators and professors. You know, you could always turn that into a positive, like printing "I'm a homeschool helicopter parent" t-shirts and selling them to other parents.

Please share this blog post with your friends over Facebook. It would be great to start a dialogue on this controversial topic of homeschool helicopter parents.

David David loves world travel, the book of Genesis, the Nashville Predators, and his wife Khristen. If you have a story to share about life, learning, or education, click here to send David an email, he's always on the hunt for a great story.

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7 comments so far - Leave a comment below

Spot on. Cheers!

— Harris Wednesday, December 1, 2010 3:41 PM CST

WOW! Very eye opening. I am familiar with the helicopter parent moniker but I did not realize so many homeschoolers were going to secular colleges. I wonder why this is when there are great Christian colleges and of course CollegePlus! Thank you for the blog post.

— Ms. Holly Wednesday, December 1, 2010 3:55 PM CST

Thank you David :)

— Missy Wednesday, December 1, 2010 4:12 PM CST

LOL on the t-shirt idea :) You hit on a concern I have as a parent of future college students. I want my children to feel like they are able to make decisions for themselves. What I do not want is a professor doing the parenting and undoing what we've spent years instilling in our children.

I too am surprised that home schoolers are running off to non Christian colleges. Home school parents should investigate the safer college options out there (like College Plus).

— Kathleen Symonds Wednesday, December 1, 2010 4:49 PM CST

Love the tshirt idea! I'm totally doing it!

— Esther Thursday, December 2, 2010 8:08 AM CST

Many wonder why homeschoolers let their kids "run off" to dangerous secular colleges, as if the parents just gave up once they graduated and dumped them into "the world". Or perhaps it is because, after much prayer, that is where God has led them. I have 2 in secular colleges and one graduating from high school and who is considering both secular and Christian. Why are they going that direction? The first looked for a Christian college that offered high-quality instruction in his chosen specialty and could not find one (but found a great fellowship down the street from his dorm). The second felt God's call to the military and is attending a service academy (and running a small prayer and Bible study group), the third feels led to go into international affairs and although there are many Christian colleges that do offer good programs, he was looking for one in which everyone did NOT agree with his worldview - for that is what he will encounter when he is employed.

Are there risks? Of course. Did they struggle? Yes, very much. Are/were my son's prepared? As prepared as they could be. Do they call us to talk and ask advice? Constantly. We homeschooled them with the goal that they would be spiritually and emotionally ready to "meet the world" when they graduated from high school (or we would not graduate them). Not all children go to college right after high school - some go directly to work or trade school. We had to let them face it at some point. We also raised them to covet, respect and seek out their elders advice (including pastors, friends and extended family).

Does this tight connection to family and my children's unwillingness to be swayed by profs or peers irritate "the college establishment"? Most likely. Are they being salt and light in their world? For the most part, although I am sure they have their "dim" moments. My children aren't stupid nor oblivious - they know when someone is feeding them falsehoods or trying to indoctrinate them because, like a good Secret Service agent, they know the real thing so well, a counterfeit just jumps right out.

— Marie Thursday, December 2, 2010 3:43 PM CST

Marie, Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I too have a student in a secular state university. My daughter was able to take a few classes at a local Christian College during her senior year of high school and decided Christian school was not for her. Besides, Christian schools did not have her major. I could not convince her to try the College Plus way of doing higher education.

I echo your thoughts in the second paragraph. Is my child exposed to drinking, sex, drugs, and alternate lifestyles? Yes, but she has a deep conviction about keeping herself pure in the midst of that and has found friends and Christian fellowships on campus that share her same convictions. And she is able to love the lesbian down the hall and show her a better way.

May God richly bless your sons as they navigate school and then use them to make followers of Christ.

— Margaret Friday, December 17, 2010 3:22 PM CST

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